Being a goody-two-shoe rule-follower and praise-driven achiever for as far back into my life as I can remember, the concept of “balance” was a constant struggle for me. I kept busy and enjoyed it! But eventually would wind up curled into a ball of stress and tears about how I couldn’t seem to keep it together. I would feel like I was doing this impossible juggle of responsibilities and social life that it was inevitable I would drop the ball somewhere spectacularly and only do things partially well (or forget completely) instead of up to my own standards.
Now as an adult and a mom with a career, it seems to be coming from even more sides.
Make sure your kids are well-mannered, eat healthy, have an amazing craft activity every day, and not too much tv time.
Make sure the house is clean, sink is empty, laundry folded AND put away, and home cooked meals on the the table at the same time for dinner every day.
Be successful at your job and contribute to the family finances, but don’t work too much or else you’re a bad mother and someone else is raising your kids.
Be sure to make time for self-care and bubble baths and journaling and reading and yoga and workouts at home or the gym.
Oh yeah, and fit this all into less than 24 hours because you should be getting at least 8 hours sleep in between the baby or toddler or both waking up at night still AND maintaining a happy marriage with your husband.
It’s exhausting.
And unrealistic.
So here’s what I think: maybe we should forget about balance. Striving to have it just creates more stress.
Instead, be fully present in whatever you’re doing. Be there and enjoy it. Go all in on whatever you’re doing, not thinking about your to-do list. Embrace the chaos and then in the fleeting brief in-between moments, close your eyes and take some deep breaths of gratitude.
Something that has helped me with overall less stress is knowing my priorities and intentionally getting them into every day if I can (non-negotiable habits). The things that fill your cup. For me it’s some fresh air and exercise, focused family time and laughing together, God time, me time (which can look different; sometimes it’s working on my business and sometimes it’s just reading a book with a hot cup of coffee for 20 minutes). Whatever it is that makes you light up, do more of that! Even if it’s just 10 minutes. As long as I get these things into every single day, I’m happy and feel more grounded.
And if I look at my week and notice how full it is, I pick a day to be able to stay home all day if I want to and schedule it in so it’s protected no matter what. I need that one day a week for my sanity, and I know that about myself! This is the area of my schedule that I protect to give myself some “balance” and it’s a choice I’ve never regretted.
In reality, if I feel overwhelmed by absence of balance, I am the one that does it to myself, no on else. By either not asking for help or wanting to put on this idealistic façade that I have it altogether for the sake of what others see, it’s only my responsibility.
Especially now that I’m a mom of two babies, I’ve said goodbye to the idea of complete balance. The days are crazy but instead of stressing about it, embrace the season for what it is, asking for patience and choosing an attitude of gratitude, knowing that the season will pass and we all have the ability to control our busy. And please, please don’t feel guilty about it for a second!
